Good imagery...

Hmm...

Hilarious! ? ? ?

No paragraphing?

Fantastic!

This is commendable! Well done, Maynah!

Hmmm...

And there's a right quote for everyone! ?

Sometime's? Should be 'sometimes'.

Try go through standard texts to see how the setting of a play is described. It may help.

Always be mindful of the word count. Required limit is 300-500 words. This story far exceeds that range.

You still need to work on your capitalization, punctuation & grammar...

The suspense was palpable but the delivery was shaky.

Too predictable! Children's stories come with good suspense too.

Needed twists and turns...