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ABOUT US

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Victoria Ukpaka
(@whiteink)
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Joined: 4 years ago
Posts: 198
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I am going to write a poetry about us,
How we loved and lost,
How we stayed through the storm,
How we got drenched in the rain,
How the sun beat strength out of us,
How we pushed through
Inspite of what we saw before us.

I will write you a letter about us,
We were young, filled with gaiety,
We were strong, we were unflappable,
We ran on the fuel of our emotions,
We yielded to our senses,
We knew pleasure, yet pain didn't elude us.
We became who we wanted to be,
Now we can't recognize us,
What happened to us?

I will tell of our love story,
Scratch that, I will tell of my love story.
You smiled, I was dazzled,
You laughed, my life became lit.
You talked, sounded like music.
You walked, I thought it was a movie.
You cared, I thought it was love.
But I was wrong, you were you.
It was a one sided affair of love,
The other side was you being you,
Playing the field.

I will tell our story in lines of poetry,
We walked in tandem,
We completed our thoughts,
We had an affair of the mind.
Your voice was music to the ears.
Your company was one to be desired.
You said all and nothing at a time.
You looked like my next stumble.
I felt a quiver in my muscles,
My feet almost took the lunge,
I looked up and saw you walk away.
You were never going to break the fall.

I want to write a poetry about us,
But words fail me.
The end of us is not in sight,
Yet I dread it like a nightmare.
Caution must be thrown to the winds.
Today must be treasured,
Moments never taken for granted.
Moments make memories,
Memories are the story we tell tomorrow.
Let's create ours today,
We might not last, but we shall live.
I will save the tears for the day you will walk away.
They all do, in the end.

Let's rewrite the narrative about us.

- Victoria Ukpaka

This topic was modified 3 years ago 2 times by Victoria Ukpaka

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Dr. Kennedy O. Obohwemu
(@penkup)
Prominent Member Admin
Joined: 4 years ago
Posts: 862
 

A Review of "About Us" by Victoria Ukpaka

The personae of this poem recounts the beauty of love shown and received by the personae's lover in the past.

The poem "About Us" under close scrutiny, evolves from being an account of a lover expressing the beauty of a love affair to an exposition of a love affair which has become sour and the opposite of what it was. This turn in feeling brings the end of the relationship in perspective, although, without a definite date.

The personae despite the sour turn of the relationship and the inevitability of the exit of the personae's lover ("we may not last, but we shall live./ I will save the tears for the day/ you will walk away/ They all do, in the end."), the personae decides to throw caution out of the window and enjoy the moment.

The subject matter of the poem is love. The themes include: worry, faithlessness.

Recommendations:
The poetess should be economic about her use of words. Poems are not to be prosaic in nature.

In line 40, the word "poetry" should be replaced with "poem". In line 49, the word "ours" should be replaced with "our".
In line 52, the phrase "... in the end" is ambiguous. Hence, delete it.

 

Lawal Eneye.


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Dr. Kennedy O. Obohwemu
(@penkup)
Prominent Member Admin
Joined: 4 years ago
Posts: 862
 

I would like to add a few thoughts on this assertion by the reviewer:

"Poems are not to be prosaic in nature..."

Traditionally, poetry and prose are two distinct entities. But contemporary writing has made it possible to combine both, in the form of prose poetry. 

Prose poetry is poetry written in prose form instead of verse form, while preserving poetic qualities such as heightened imagery, parataxis, and emotional effects.

This is a welcome development, and it's pleasing to the senses that the author Victoria Ukpaka has attempted to use this exciting new feature. It is a good deviation from the norm.

Note however that prose poetry should not be presented in verse form. It should strictly be in form of prose.

 

This post was modified 3 years ago by Dr. Kennedy O. Obohwemu

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