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In betweem

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Victoria Ukpaka
(@whiteink)
Member Customer
Joined: 4 years ago
Posts: 198
Topic starter  

He said, let's go to the field,
Where we will dance and make merry,
Let's go to the field beyond the walls.

I thought in my head,
How tempting it feels to break free for a while,
My heart raced ahead but my feet refused to move.

She said, you need to leave what you know,
I looked at her, if only you know what I know,
Fate and destiny calleth, who do I answer?

Impatience grew in his blood,
His to and fro pace drew a pattern,
Only beyond the walls I beg you.

Just behind the walls, I thought,
Terrible things happen to those who break the rules,
Safety net is better than a fun day in the storm.

She shook her head at me,
Freedom called, I heard him,
When did I become attached to issolation,
Now loss is a friend,
Pain is the neighborhood.

One last time, he asked,
Let's go beyond into the field,
One last time I rejected,
He walked away till he returned in an urn.

Only a moment, he asked for,
Now he has eternity and a day,
Time to say goodbye.

-Victoria Ukpaka


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Dr. Kennedy O. Obohwemu
(@penkup)
Prominent Member Admin
Joined: 4 years ago
Posts: 862
 

Nicely written. 

Just a few issues.

First, the wordings of the title are incorrectly spelled. Should be 'In between', not 'In betweem'.

In S6L1, the correct clause should be 'She shook her head', not 'She shook her head at me'.

In S6L3, the word 'isolation' was wrongly spelled. 


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