SLEEP MOTHER , SLEEP.  

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Ajmaverick
(@ajmaverick)
Illustrious Member Customer
Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 283
30/12/2019 11:51 pm  

 

How does a child tell better
the tales of their caring mother,
either in the bitter manner with twisted tongue,
or season it with sweetness, to a rhythmic song ?

How does a child tell the world
of a certain woman like a god,
whose tears softens their hearts
and set their feet on a right paths.

Perhaps they will tell of the days when she smiles,
when her face welcomes peace in a while
leaving the days she's left with no options by the oppressing hands of hunger
and had to hide her salience behind a long laughter, to appeal to her sons and daughters.

Perhaps they will tell of how her feet thrive
when the "radio dance hour" is live,
to chase fear from the face of her children
though she had nothing to give when the black night effect its presence.

But as children, we will not let a chance slip
to tell into her ears,  "sleep mother , sleep."
There is a life beyond this tide,
where we will listen to your sweet lullaby.

© Alabi Muheez Ajibola
#AnsaPoetOfTheWeekContest

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Dr. Kennedy O. Obohwemu
(@penkup)
Chief Admin Admin
Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 906
05/01/2020 3:19 pm  

A Review of "Sleep Mother, Sleep" by Alabi Muheez Ajibola

The poem is a requiem in honour of the personae's mother.

In the poem "Sleep Mother, Sleep" by Alabi Muheez Ajibola, the personae gives us a portrait of a mother who, though, "had nothing to give" always makes sure that her children are well.

Reading through the poem, we find a "mother" who became many things–a pillar of hope in bleak times ("... had to hide her salience behind a long laughter, to appeal to her sons and daughters"), a warrior dispelling fear when it confronts her children "... her feet thrive ...to chase fear"–for her children.

The personae is confident that death would not have the final say, that beyond death there would be another meeting where "mother" will be able to sing "sweet lullaby"

The subject matter of the poem is love. The themes include: death, eternity, memories, fear.

Recommendations:
The poet should work on his use of punctuation marks. The whole of line 1-6 is not well punctuated, this applies to line 7-10.

There should be a question mark after the second line, the third line should begin with "is it" rather than "either in". Also, there should be a question mark at the end of line 4. Line 5 should begin with "or is it seasoned with ..."

Line 8 reads better if it is written as "of a god"

 

Lawal Eneye.


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Ajmaverick
(@ajmaverick)
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Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 283
06/01/2020 11:48 pm  

Thanks Ansa... 🙏

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