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FROM THE CONFLUENCE

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Israelonoruoiza
(@israelonoruoiza)
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Joined: 6 years ago
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FROM THE CONFLUENCE

Farewell the confluence bade us
As we took off heading to the city of coal
Looking through the Windows of a long coaster bus
My eyes saw hell in the midst of the confluence

My heart couldn't hold it, but to pour pity down my cheeks
Oh! The men struggle with the river
As it hungrily eat up their homes with a flow
Piles of pity in people's heart

But couldn't turn away their mischief and grieves
Or the pain they felt with their wrestle with life
Like a dark morn, which the sun refuses to shine on
Have their hopes bleak off with the flow

The dwellers of the LUGARD HOUSE seems to have cut them off The confluence
The ASO ROCK couldn't hide them on its powerful shade
Oh! What a failure. Not a tip of their promises they could kept
Or a beam of their running tongues could travel back to their hearts

No Faith, for fate have given them pain.
From the confluence,
Have the flood of pain swept
Off their hope and faith with the flow.

©Israel Onoruoiza

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This topic was modified 5 years ago 2 times by Israelonoruoiza

   
Abubeli reacted
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(@penkup)
Prominent Member Admin
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 862
 

Nice, but there are plenty issues with concord (subject-verb agreement) in this work. E.g.,

S2L4:

'As it hungrily eat up their homes with a flow' (highlighted word should be 'eats', not 'eat', since the subject 'it' is in the singular form)

S4L1:

'The dwellers of the LUGARD HOUSE seems to have cut them off The confluence' (highlighted word should be 'seem', not 'seems', since the subject 'dwellers' is in the plural form)


   
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