SOMEONE ELSE LIKE YOU
In your absence,
your heart remained in my presence.
You being gone for a while,
seemed to be an infinite mile.
Pictures couldn't do the tricks,
As calls only made time slowly tick.
I'm love sick,
As my heart slowly kicked.
Like a cricket that lost her wing in the winter,
I couldn't fly beyond a flicker.
You said you'll be gone for a while,
But went beyond an endless mile.
My door has been my constant turn,
As I gaze afar awaiting your return.
My eyes pays no tribute to sleep,
As I shuttle in thoughts wide and deep.
The winter is past,
Now the summer at last,
Yet your coming is like a vanishing mist.
No sign of you as I behold my wrist.
If you never come again,
You'll leave me with an untreatable pain.
If you don't return,
My heart will surely burn.
If I'm to love again,
It is someone like you or never again.
Can I find someone like you?
This kept resounding in my mind.
Surely, I pray to find someone like you,
but you are irreplaceable.
Surely, someone like you might be out there
but cannot fill the void you've created.
I never knew life could be this meaningless.
I tried to be the man for ages,
But the indelible intense moments we shared kept ghosting my present.
Will I ever find someone like you?
By
ATUANYA JOHN
#ANSAPoetOfTheWeekContest
A Review of "Someone Else Like You" by Atuanya John.
The poem is a story of a lover who mourns the exit of his beloved so much that he doubts the likely chances of finding love that pure again.
The title "Someone Else Like You" comes from the personae's dilemma. Whatever he had had with his beloved up to the point of her exit, as painful as it is, is so strong that he doubts anyone could fill that void. He affirms that of a truth someone like his beloved may be out there, but that that person would be like his beloved is a fact that he shows skepticism to accept.
Though broken by the long absence of his beloved, the thoughts of her remain fresh in his mind. His attempt to forget the moments he and his beloved shared ("I tried to be the man for the ages") yields no fruit ("... the indelible intense moments we/ shared kept ghosting my present...").
The poem ends with a rhetorical question ("will I ever find someone like you?") which shows that though the personae has decided to let go of the past and forge ahead, his past still clings to him.
The subject matter of the poem is Betrayal. The betrayal the personae suffers at the expense of his beloved forces him to be tied to the past, inefficient in the present and confused about the future. The themes of the poem include: love, fear, worry and hope.
Recommendations:
The poet should work on his use of words, tenses and numbers. For example, in the second line, the word "remained" as used shows that what is been referred to happened in the past, not in the present. But the opposite is the case. It should be "remains".
"you being gone for a while" (line 3) is not grammatical.
"tricks" (line 5) should be "trick".
Line 18 and 19 should not carry articles. It should be "winter has passed/ Summer at last"
Rhyme is not an important part of poetry. Also, words you are not too sure of, before writing them down, look them up in a dictionary.
Lawal Eneye.