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PERFECT

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Israelonoruoiza
(@israelonoruoiza)
Member Customer
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 289
Topic starter  

PERFECT

Darkness has long tarry in my heart
Together with sadness in a long tally
They bleak off my trust in love
My Faith that shoulders happiness

There was a quake in my heart
When your face of hope travels down my dream
There was a light in my darkness
When your smile creeps in like a thief in the night

You're the life that quicken my pen to bleed
The ink that paint my pains till the heart could hold unto none
You're the surgeon that mend my broken heart
I just arrived euphoria because you're all happiness is--

Each word of yours are like strings of a guitar
They pass melodies; some of love, of trust and of faith
My heart again could beat those wonderful beats
That could unfetter the legs of the lame to dance

Your empress! Beauty Queen
Your beauty is adorn in the royal houses
Not the angels can your beauty be likened to--
For the true image of God is what you are, Perfect!

©Israel Onoruoiza
#ANSAPoetOfTheWeekContest


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Dr. Kennedy O. Obohwemu
(@penkup)
Prominent Member Admin
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 862
 

Nice thoughts. 

Just a few issues with concord (subject-verb agreement):

S1L1:

Darkness has long tarry in my heart (tarried)

S2L2:

When your face of hope travels down my dream (traveled)

S2L4:

When your smile creeps in like a thief in the night (crept)

S3L1:

You're the life that quicken my pen to bleed (quickens)

S3L2:

The ink that paint my pains till the heart could hold unto none (paints)

S3L3:

You're the surgeon that mend my broken heart (mends)

S4L1:

Each word of yours are like strings of a guitar (Your words are like strings of a guitar)

S5L2:

Your beauty is adorn in the royal houses (adorned)


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Israelonoruoiza
(@israelonoruoiza)
Member Customer
Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 289
Topic starter  

Thanks sir, corrected!


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