ASSOCIATION OF NIGERIAN STUDENT AUTHORS (ANSA)
Irony they say plays a wicked game with life.
I look back with regret at my thinking that my Father never cared about me when I was younger. It felt like he had long ceased to care after he left I and my siblings with my Mother and went far away.
He took none of his possessions, not even a shoe he was always fond of. It felt like in his former life, it was an act of no consequence.
I headed in whatever direction of heartbreak and anger my siblings were headed. I never knew he was fighting a suicidal thought within because he felt he had lost as a Man and was no longer able to cater for his family.
This casted a dark shadow over my life and affected my relationship with men. I never knew I had developed a trauma for marriage. Living up till 35, I never dated any Man.
As it should, I emerged as one people glared at till that very day I met my Father and then the part of this story I never knew become known.
That night had a surreal feel to it, the campfire was beginning to dim and the dogs were already tired of barking. My friends had too much in their bellies to stay awake. Then I had a tap on my shoulder. I wondered who disturbed my thoughts. It was my friend. He was dearer to me than the rest. He had no reason to call me brother but he treated me as one. He led me out through the forest for a walk that day. Many words were said but among them all, I remember that question. ‘What was more powerful than anger?’I didn’t know then. Anger was what fueled life. It was my culture, my response. I had known nothing else asides from it. He kept on saying there was something more powerful than that!
"How ridiculous! But I respect him and I’ll find out maybe in one of our later walks in the future". Those were my thoughts till death took him from me.
Now fast forward to today. I found Sarah. His sister. Coming all the way from God knows where. It was in our journeys and travels together that I came to see that the knowledge I sought wasn’t so far off after all.
How could anger and rage be strong? I must not have been so bright. The answer all along was love.