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Born A Mistake

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Funmilola
(@funmilola)
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Joined: 5 years ago
Posts: 5
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She knelt before her father with tears rolling down her cheeks,she clenched tightly to his leg. "Please father, remove the clips from my wings let me fly, remove me from my cage so I can soar". She pleaded wholeheartedly for her freedom, one her father felt she wasn't entitled to. After turning a deaf ear to all her pleas, he stormed out of the living room leaving her dejected.
That was four years ago when she had gained admission into the university and her father had refused to pay her tuition or even allow anyone else pay for her school. She vividly remembered his cliché statement. "You are no investment, sending you to school will be similar to pouring water in a basket and I don't want to waste my money. You belong to the house and that's where I'm keeping you". His venomous statement stung more than she could admit even to herself.
But that wasn't the case with her brothers, while her father didn't care about her, he doted on her brothers. He made sure they attended the best schools, got the best books and even the best clothes. Her never showed her love or even the slightest acknowledgement when she did something superb. "Afterall", he would say, "your brothers will carry the family legacy while you will be married off to any man who finds you befitting for a wife".
The day her mother asked for extra money for her school from her father , it rained fire and brimstone in their house. Her father outrightly cursed the day her mother gave birth to her saying that he should have insisted on having her mother abort the child when it was detected that it would be a girl. She couldn't take it anymore knowing her father didn't want her in the first place. This incident was the straw that broke the carmel's back knowing that her entire existence was a big mistake.
Her flight was the twist in her story, she ran as fast as her legs could take her. "No longer", she said "no longer will I be treated like a second class citizen by my own father". She left without making even the slightest turn backwards . Looking back now, she wondered what mistake she made by being a female in her own father's house.

Fadairo Oluwafunmilola
#Ansaflashfictioncontest


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Dr. Kennedy O. Obohwemu
(@penkup)
Prominent Member Admin
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 862
 
Nice attempt. However, the following issues need to be handled:
 
1. Faulty Subject-Verb Agreement
2. Punctuation
3. Wrong use of Compound/Complex Sentences
4. Misuse of Semicolons, Quotation Marks, etc.
5. Spelling errors 
6. Passive Voice Misuse
7. Wordy Sentences
8. Inappropriate Colloquialisms
9. Improper Formatting
10. Poorly paragraphing 

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Israelonoruoiza
(@israelonoruoiza)
Member Customer
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 289
 

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