IT'S NOT WORTH IT

I've lost the essence of my living,

And the world around me seems to be sinking
I'm savouring the sweet scent of death,
I've lost trust in my faith.

The razor is enticing to my wrist,
It's attractiveness, I'm trying to resist
The noose is calling for my neck
But I've been ignoring it's Beck.

I'm considering a strong toxicant,
The aftereffect won't be too painful
And It won't give my miserable life a chance of survival
I'll be long gone before the paramedics arrive.

But I can't bring myself to murder myself,
Those who did it before me are really brave
For having the guts to drain out life from their body,
Am I then a coward?

But, I'm tired of this life,
My efforts to redeem myself has been futile,
Attempts to correct my errors has been rebuffed,
My only hope is still in death, it will make all my pains go away.

I've written a farewell note;
A brief vote of thanks to those who stood by me
And a letter of accusation to my oblivious killers,
They will fill my last memories.

I've settled for the razor,
Perhaps I'll be able to see my spirit leave my body
The noose and toxicant will cause little pains
But the razor's pain will be brief.

I've slit my wrists and I'm enjoying the feeling,
I'm looking at the wall clock
And I can feel my life tick-tocking away,
I'm getting scared, is this what my predecessors felt?

I want to save myself, but I'm too weak to try,
I regret my decision, but it's too late to cry,
I'm trying to call for help, but my voice sounds distant to me,
I tried to run from my challenges but nothing challenges me more than this.

#SuicideIsNotAnOption

©Akinwole John Akintayo