Toxins

I woke up and found myself in the hospital bed. "I should be dead," I thought. I looked to the left side of my bed and saw my friend who was fast asleep. I closed my eyes and shook my head in regret because I attempted suicide and because of the action I took that led to the attempt.

My friends knew I was a virgin three months ago when we were discussing who was and was not righteous in the eyes of God. I told them God was going to forgive my sins because I was a celibate. They all laughed and told me I practiced celibacy because no girl ever accepted my proposal. I argued with them even when I knew they told the truth. I told them I wanted my first time to be a special one. They laughed and made mockery of me. I put on my headphone and increased the song I played to the highest volume when they didn't stop with the mockery.

My birthday came up the following week and my friends promised to make it a special one. I was taken to the cinema to watch my favourite movie. We returned home late in the night and I noticed the door to our room was left ajar. I opened it with caution only to meet a lady inside. I called on my friends to let them know what was going on, but they chorused a happy birthday. One came closer and told me to make my hidden dream come to past. They had organised a hooker for me. I got in with the lady after a little persuation from my friends. I had my first sex with a lady I didn't know without protection because she told me to trust her and because I wanted to.

I got sick weeks after that night. I feared I was infected and went to a nearby hospital for an HIV test; the result came out negative and I was treated for malaria. I went to the hospital again after I didn't recover after days of treatment. Another test was conducted and it came out positive; I had the virus.

I told my friends they'd ruined me but their remark shocked me. They told me I had sex with the hooker by choice and that I also did it without a condom by choice. Again, they were right, everything was definitely done by my choice.

I tried to comfort myself for weeks but failed. Depression kicked in and I decided to end it. I took a stroll to the closest river I know of, thought of how I shared "Say no to suicide" flyers and jumped into the river regardless.

© Aminu Abdulmumeen
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