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IN ABSENTIA

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(@ajmaverick)
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Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 283
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IN ABSENTIA

 

Hitherto, the moon sat on the edge of my window

where it listened as I told all my woes, 

she was radiant and always smiled, 

sending to my heart the best of tides. 

 

Days ago, the sun still shone bright from the west

forming a lit scene ; a point of light over my head. 

These treat was more than enough

to put my heart off the rough. 

 

But yesterday, the sun was hot like a furnace

and the moon had supposedly taken a walk away from the stars. 

They turned from my sight to disappear, 

thus, my heart burned down in despair. 

 

A storm had chased the sun, 

a lightening had put the moon on a run, 

these evil forces birthed by a mother, 

it was her! My departed lover. 

 

She took a walk out of my life, easy and simple, 

everything, everywhere then became miserable. 

Her departure parted happiness and I even, 

erupting memories of the earliest humans and the Garden of Eden! 

 

For the first time, I fled from the sky, 

my face met it's gaze and I became shy,

for you were not there to enhance her smile, 

it's thus been sad, all this while. 

 

I have thus realized I am but empty

whence and I'm without your company, 

I have realized that life starts to fleet

the moment you and I stop to meet. 

 

 

© Aj Maverick 

#AnsaPoetOfTheWeekContest

am3mm10@ptsolest


   
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(@penkup)
Prominent Member Admin
Joined: 6 years ago
Posts: 862
 

S2L4:

'To put my heart off the rough...' (The highlighted word isn't a noun, so it's use is inappropriate there. As an adjective, it can't be used as the object of the sentence. It must qualify a noun. Don't take this avoidable risk just for the sake of achieving rhythm!)

S3L3:

'They turned from my sight to disappear...' (This is simply tautology! Use either 'They turned from my sight' or 'They began to disappear')

 


   
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