WISHES
Yesterday my brother was licking his own mucus,
he looked like one without focus,
I saw his muscles thicken with from time to time
and his face soon became white as the lime.
Days ago, my friend was drenched by his own years,
he told stories of his salience over the years.
While he tried to wipe his face, the wetter it became
all day , he had threatened , built up and poured like the rain.
Many more I have witnessed and seen,
every nooks and crannies I have been,
a hundreds , thousands lost in this world,
with a good percentage seeking a life in the imaginary world.
For every soul has a story to tell;
tales of of how they experienced hell,
how they sailed against life's unfavorable tides,
how they lost, how they won at times,
Or what would you say about me?
when ideas proved too tough to see
and blank pages forced my mind to spill
aching lullabies, against my own will.
But, what choice have we all got,
than to keep our shoulders up
even in the face of adversity
and to survive, we must rise against scarcity.
For if wishes were horses,
We would all have more than enough.
Without pain in each of our tent and house,
we would be psalmists singing hymns with our mouths.
© Alabi Muheez Ajibola
© Akinwole John Akintayo
am3mm10@ptsolest
CRITIQUE ON WISHES
"Wishes" is a poetry piece written in January, 2020 by Alabi Muheez Ajibola and Akinwole John Akintayo.
The poem lends a voice to the severe sufferings, difficulties, confusions, zero satisfaction in the community of humans.The poets painted a picture of hopelessness of humans who are left with the only solace of " wishes" and "imaginary world".
In lines 3 I saw his muscles thicken with from time to time the poet didn't use the word with as a preposition and so the sentence look grammatically incomplete.
Lines 7 reads while he tried to wipe his face, the wetter it became which is supposed to be a comparison and therefore should read the more he tried to wipe his face, the wetter it became.
In lines 26 without pain in each of our tent and house the presence of the pronoun our the words tent and house should be in it's plural form so the correct form of that line is without pains in each of our tents and houses.
The tittle" wishes" is appropriate because it paints the picture of hopelessness and resolution to the imaginary world.
Finally the poets did a great job in clearly painting a picture of an everyday thought, pains, hopelessness of the human race.
CHIBUNDU JOYCE