Forget about the wordplay, Fortune Kelechi and I have been close friends for the past seven years. We developed the habit of celebrating each other's birthday when our friendship was a couple of years old. At first, our relationship was loose, but the birthday gift I gave to him in our fourth year of friendship strengthened our bond.
3 March, 2017. It was Kelechi's birthday and I couldn't think of a gift to present him with. My bank account was empty, so, there was no need to think. I kept on hoping my older siblings would send me some money as the month was still new. Amidst my hope, Kelechi walked in to remind me of his birthday.
"Shey you remember say na today be my day?" He said.
"E be like say na belt you go chop this year oo" I replied.
He looked at me in disgust and gave me the 'don't try it' gesture. I laughed as he left the room, while I resumed to hoping for a credit alert.
After hoping for several minutes, I was disappointed money never came. I decided I'd have to get him his present some other time.
Kelechi took his bath and got dressed. He looked at my depressed state and mocked;
"Chai, my padi don broke."
I let out a smile and replied;
"Nah belt you go chop las las."
He laughed then told me to get dressed; I did and we both went out.
After a long day out, we decided to return home. Kelechi branched at a nearby ATM and made some transactions. Unknown to us, we were being watched. As soon as Kelechi placed his money into his wallet, we heard a voice.
"Bros! I hail oo."
We knew we were not safe as we couldn't reply nor run. Two other men approached us and the first man snatched the wallet from Kelechi then said;
"Oya make una disappear."
We started moving reluctantly. I saw the man's attention was no longer on us and I made a quick snatch of the wallet, threw it to Kelechi who wasted no time in running.
I wanted to follow too but was caught by two left hooks. I felt my ribs switching positions. Their leader held me by my shirt and said;
"Saviour!! Na today you go know say Jesus no be two."
I received a slap and all I could say was "bros abeg". But he wouldn't listen; he kept on dishing out slaps and blows till I fell.
After he was satisfied dealing with me, he told me to "disappear". I stood up and ran faster than a gazelle.
I got to the other side of the street only to find Kelechi laughing hard.
"Omo, you get mind oo." He said.
I looked at him then asked; "How much dey that wallet?"
He replied; "Na 20k, wetin happen?"
I walked close to him and said; "Na your birthday gift be that."
He laughed and told me it was the best birthday gift I had ever presented him with. We got home and I retired to bed immediately.
It's 2019. And it's his birthday again. But I am prepared this time.
© Aminu Abdulmumeen
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