Painful pleasure  

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Flowess
(@flowess)
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11/05/2020 8:53 pm  

Nature of a woman.

My woman, mother of man.
How forgetful sometimes she may be.
The taste of an icy cake
Makes her forget the pain of yesterday.

Nine months of burden,
How soon all escaped.
Lustfully agitated,
She is to get an icy cake.

Little did she know
It was sweetness laced with pain.
'Tasty-tasty,' she moaned.
Sweetness worthy of its pain she realized.

Tears in sweet feeling mode;
A short-lived moment turned away unending burden
Over a hundred and eighty seven pleasures.

©Musa Oyiza Rahama

This topic was modified 2 months ago by Flowess

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Dr. Kennedy O. Obohwemu
(@penkup)
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Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 906
17/05/2020 3:59 pm  

Is the very first line standing on its own or is it part of a stanza?

A few more errors are evident, eg:

The tasty of an icy cake (word should be 'taste').


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Dr. Kennedy O. Obohwemu
(@penkup)
Chief Admin Admin
Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 906
17/05/2020 4:12 pm  

Is this for the Poetry Contest too? You submitted 'Had I known' earlier. It's one entry per participant. 


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Flowess
(@flowess)
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Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 22
18/05/2020 11:54 pm  

@penkup standing on it own,as subtopic

 


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Flowess
(@flowess)
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Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 22
18/05/2020 11:57 pm  

@penkup No!

I submitted it for a review

 


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Dr. Kennedy O. Obohwemu
(@penkup)
Chief Admin Admin
Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 906
24/05/2020 1:57 pm  

@flowess Entries meant for review should be posted under General Submissions. 

 


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Flowess
(@flowess)
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Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 22
26/05/2020 9:33 pm  

Alright,I never know o


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